Mission Makeover
by riseofafallenangel
Summary: Sirius gives James lessons in getting girls.
1. Prologue

A/N: This first chapter is a note between James and Sirius.

**This is James**

_This is Sirius_

Enjoy…

Prologue- History of Magic

**Did you see that?!?!**

_Did I see what?_

**She just completely ignored me! **

_Hate to break it to you James but she ALWAYS ignores you… Except from when she's yelling at you._

**Seriously though Pads I'm beginning to think she doesn't like me.**

_No! (That was sarcastic, just in case you didn't pick that up from the eye rolling.)_

**Thanks Sirius. Way to be a supportive friend. I'm really depressed right now and you just take the piss. That's great, just charming…**

_I'm sorry, I was rude. I'm sure Lily doesn't hate you. She merely acts like she would rather stick a spade through her head than talk to you due to a highly complex mental condition she has and she is really deeply in love with you._

**Stop being an arse and help me with my crisis!**

_If you're just going to moan I will talk to Moony instead._

**No you won't, he's busy listening and taking notes and… all that other smart stuff he does. You better not distract him, I need those notes for my homework.**

_Fine, I will talk to Wormtail._

**Good luck, he's been snoring and drooling for the last half hour.**

_Then I will do that listening thing that Moony does. _

**Yeah right.**

_Ok, ok. I have decided to help you with your crisis. I will be, wait for it… your S.S.A.O.R.A.O.T.Y.S.A._

**Could you shorten that down and tell me what the hell a… one of those is.**

_It's a Stunningly Sexy Adviser On Relationships And Other Things You Suck At._

**I don't suck at relationships!**

_Er, yes you do._

**Well what makes you such an expert?**

_I, my dear Prongs, have gone out with practically every girl in the school so am very qualified to teach you how to get someone to go out with you. But of course, if you don't want my help…_

**No! Please help me!**

_Oh alright then. Training will begin tomorrow. Bring some tweezers._

**Tweezers?!**

_Only joking. You don't need to bring tweezers. You can use mine._

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A/N: And… Review!


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: Thanks to the people who reviewed the last chapter. I love you! I'm in a bit of a hyper mood right now so I decided to update.

Chapter 1- The Incredible Walking Lime

"Can we be quick with this Pads, I'm hungry!"

"No we cannot 'be quick with this'! We are doing this properly!"

"Fine. How long is it going to take?"

"There's no telling. A while. I may be good but even I will have to take some time with an emergency like this."

"I am not an emergency!"

"Sure whatever you say. Turn around."

Sirius prodded James with his wand and looked at him through narrowed eyes. James started to feel a bit nervous…

"What are you doing?"

Sirius didn't answer. Instead he turned around and left James standing on his own, awkwardly, in the middle of the room. James was about to leave muttering about 'that stinky mutt' under his breath when Sirius came back. He was carrying the biggest pile of clothes James had seen in his life.

"What are they for?"

"Well you can't wear any of YOUR clothes to Hogsmeade with Evans. They're hideous!"

James was tempted to smack Sirius round the head but he couldn't because he had the pile of clothes thrust into his arms. Sirius picked out various items and held them up with an expression of being deep in thought on his face. It made him look slightly odd as he didn't do much deep thinking.

"Put these on."

He handed the items he had eventually picked and pushed James forcefully into the bathroom. He yelled to him through the door.

"Do they fit?"

There was a silence for a minute before James replied.

"I am not wearing this!"

"Yes you are."

"No! I refuse to wear this ever!"

"Stop being a baby and come out here. I want to see."

"No!"

Sirius sighed and flung the door open. James was standing in the middle of the room looking in the mirror with a look of revulsion on his face. He was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a tight-fitting lime green and black shirt. Sirius grinned.

"Much better."

"What are you on about? I LOOK LIKE A LIME!"

"And? Lime is the in look right now. It's way better than all that baggy stuff you usually wear."

James didn't look like he was prepared to accept that it was fashionable to look like a citrus fruit but his arguing was cut off Sirius chucking his school robes at him and leaving the room. He looked at himself in the mirror one more time and got changed looking like him favourite grandparent had just died. In the dorm, Sirius lay back on his bed and smirked.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A/N: Good? Bad?... Review!


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Crazy times, crazy times. I have so much work to do right now. I should really be doing coursework instead of writing this but this won't take long… who am I kidding I just can't be bothered to do the work. I'm bad and lazy . Ah well… Here's a chapter for y'all…

Disclaimer: Actually I do own the characters. This is why I am watching them now. They are trying to undo the ropes I used to tie them to the wall, good luck with that guys! Anyway, that's not really true. I don't own them; I just have an extremely over-active imagination.

Chapter Two- It just didn't feel like you really meant it 

Over the next few days Sirius had cut James' hair, made him wash it with what seemed like a million different radioactive-looking goos, pinned him down and plucked his eyebrows insisting that "loads of guys do it!" and made him run 50 times around the Hogwarts grounds while he floated behind him on a broom giggling. Now they were sitting on a bed in the boys' dorm. Neither had said anything for a few minutes and James was beginning to worry about what Sirius could possibly have planned next. Before he could ask, the door opened.

"Ah there you are Moony, we have been waiting for decades." Sirius faked a look of anger.

"Liar, I saw you come up here a few minutes ago."

"What is Moony doing here?"

Remus pretended to be upset.

"Don't you want me here Prongsie?" He pouted and made his eyes wide like he was about to cry.

"Not really. I would rather not have an audience to whatever torture Sirius is planning next."

"Actually Jamsie, I invited Moony along because he IS the torture I am going to submit you to next…"

"Oy!"

"Sh'up Moony. This is a test. Moony is Evans. You have to convince him to go out with you."

"I am not asking Moony out."

"Why not? Am I not good enough for you Potter?"

"You're a bloke!"

"And?" Sirius raised his eyebrows impatiently. James groaned. Clearly he was not going to get out of this.

"Fine."

Sirius clapped his hands together and squealed with glee.

"Right. Start… Now!"

"Um… Hi Moony… Lily… Do you want to go out with me?"

"No."

"Hey! You're not supposed to say no!"

"I'm sorry it just didn't feel like you really meant it."

"Of course I didn't mean it. You're not really Lily! Back me up here Sirius."

"Nope. If I was him I would've said no too. You called him the wrong name and you look like you're being forced to ask him out under threat of torture!"

"This is so stupid!"

"No it's not. Try again!"

James sighed and turned to Remus.

"Hi LILY. Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?"

"No."

"What?! Just say yes for god's sake!"

"No."

"Sirius!"

"It was a bit better but you should probably add in how much you love her and how she is soooo beautiful."

"Fine… Hi Lily. I am hopelessly in love with you and I think you are the most beautiful girl in the school. Please, please come to Hogsmeade with me next weekend or I think I might explode from sadness."

Remus grinned and jumped on James.

"I would love to!"

He moved like he was about to kiss him and James screamed and covered his face while both Remus and Sirius collapsed with laughter.

"That was not funny."

"It was actually."

"I'm not talking to either of you anymore."

James went and sat on his bed and sulked.

"Bet you two galleons I can make him talk."

Remus nodded and sat down to watch.

"James?"

"…"

"Talk to me."

"…"

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"…"

"I'm gay."

"I KNEW IT!"

"Not really. Made you talk."

"So what? You fancy Snape!"

"I do not!"

James ran of cackling and Remus moodily handed Sirius two galleons.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

A/N: Review?


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- You're not allowed to hit me

Sirius led James into the entrance hall to wait for Lily to come out of dinner.

"Ok, look at me." James turned to face Sirius who started prodding him and pulling at his hair and clothes.

"There… Well I suppose that's as good as it's ever going to be. Now what are you going to say to her?"

"I was just going to ask her to go to Hogsmeade with me."

"Ok, that's fine, but I have a few things you need to put in there."

James could tell he wasn't going to like these 'few things'.

"Like what?"

"It's not much. Just, at some point, you need to tell her that you are sorry for being a jerk before and you promise you will try and change. And you need to look like you mean it."

"You want me to say she was right about me being a jerk? No chance!"

"No time to argue Jamie, she's coming. Just do it."

James glanced over at Lily and sighed.

"Ok ok. Sometimes I think you enjoy watching me suffer." He turned away and hurried over to where Lily was standing looking at the house point glasses.

"Hi Lily."

Lily saw him and groaned.

"What do you want now?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade this weekend… with me I mean."

"Now why would I want to do that?"

James mentally started to strangle Sirius. He had put him through all that pain for nothing. Lily still hated him. He was about to walk away when he decided he might as well try one more time.

"Listen Lily, I'm really, really sorry I was a jerk before. You were right, I was stupid. But I'm trying to change. Please give me a chance."

Lily looked him over and decided he was being honest.

"Ok. I'll see you Saturday then." She walked away leaving a stunned James Potter standing in the middle of the entrance hall. He spun round and bounded up to Sirius with a big grin on his face.

"IT WORKED!!! SHE SAID YES!!! I love you! You are the best mate EVER!"

"I know."

James carried on jumping up and down and hugged Sirius hard, squeezing all the air out of him. When he let him go he noticed that he was about to crack up laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"You."

"Why?"

"You want to know a secret?"

James was curious.

"Go on then."

"You aren't allowed to hit me."

"Ok what is it?"

"Well… Lily doesn't care about your hair or your clothes or any of that stuff. You just had to stop being a jerk."

James didn't say anything but his grin slowly started to disappear.

"Now James, you promised you wouldn't hit me. You can't break a promise."

"You mean to say none of this was really necessary?"

"Well… no not exactly…"

"So why did you make me do all that stuff?"

Sirius backed away up the stairs.

"SIRIUS!"

"Well… Honestly… it was just really funny."

James ran up the stairs after Sirius who was laughing and screaming at the same time and jumped on him.

"Prongs stop! You promised!"

James got off him and nodded in agreement.

"You're right, I did. Sorry."

He jogged off in the direction of the common room leaving a confused Sirius lying on the floor gasping for breath.

Sirius didn't see James again until he went to bed and by then he was acting normally again so he got into bed without asking any questions, to tired to notice the secretive looks between James and Remus.

The next morning, Sirius woke up and rubbed sleep out of his eyes. He went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. As he looked in the mirror he noticed that something was wrong. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his face and screamed. Someone had put make-up on his face in the night. He looked like a girl!

He ran into the dorm and jumped on James' bed, yelling at him. James laughed as he wrestled him to the floor and Remus rolled his eyes and turned over to go back to sleep. He would break them up later.

THE END


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